A Movie Bet
Two fellas were watching an old cowboy movie and it came to the part when the cowboy, on his horse, at full gallop, was headed right towards a cliff. One of the guys said to the other, “Hey, I’ll bet you 10 bucks that he rides over the cliff.” The other said, “Your on!”
Well the cowboy and the horse went right over the cliff. The fella that lost the bet paid up. A while later, the guy who won said, “Hey, I’m feeling a little guilty about our bet and need to make a confession … I already have seen the movie.” The other fella replied, “Well, I have also seen the movie before … but I didn’t think he’d do it again!”
Church Bulletin Bloopers
“For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
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“The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.”
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“The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.”
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“Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.”
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“Anointing of the sick … If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.”
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“The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.”
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The sermon title this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH
The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD
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The sermon this morning: GOSSIP … THE SPEAKING OF EVIL
The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
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The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES # 3 … EUTHANASIA
The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE
Odd Newspaper Headlines From Around the World
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Include your children when baking cookies
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Something went wrong in jet crash
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Experts says police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
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Safety experts say that school bus passengers should be belted
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Drunk gets nine months in violin case
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Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents
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Miners refuse to work after death
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Juvenile Court to try shooting defendant
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Two Soviet ships collide, one dies
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Red tape holds up new bridge
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Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft
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Kids make nutritious snacks
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Man minus ear waives hearing
A Woman, a Beach, a Bottle and a Genie
A despondent woman was walking along the beach when she saw a bottle on the sand. She picked it up and pulled out the cork. Whoosh! A big puff of smoke appeared.
“You have released me from my prison,” the genie told her. “To show my thanks, I grant you three wishes. But take care, for with each wish, your mate will receive double of whatever you request.”
“Why?” the woman asked. “That bum left me for another woman.”
“That is how it is written,” replied the genie.
The woman shrugged and then asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light, and a million dollars appeared at her feet. At the same instant, in a far-off place, her wayward husband looked down to see twice that amount at his feet.
“And your second wish?”
“Genie, I want the world’s most expensive diamond necklace.” Another flash of light, and the woman was holding the precious treasure. And, in that distant place, her husband was looking for a gem broker to buy his latest bonanza.
“Genie, is it really true that my husband has two million dollars and more jewels than I do, and that he gets double of whatever I wish for?”
The genie said it was indeed true.
“Okay, genie, I’m ready for my last wish,” the woman said. “Scare me half to death.”
The Fatted Calf
Over at Fortitude Holiness Tabernacle, Dexter Rice, the Sunday School teacher, was telling his class the story of the Prodigal Son. Wishing to emphasize the resentful attitude of the elder brother, he laid stress on this part of the parable.
After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, Dexter spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion. “Can anybody in the class,” he asked, “tell me who this was?”
Nine year old Olivia Crombie had been listening sympathetically to the story. She waved her hand in the air. “I know!” she said beamingly. “It was the fatted calf.”
Different Viewpoints
Three people were visiting and viewing the Grand Canyon — an artist, a pastor and a cowboy. As they stood on the edge of that massive abyss, each one responded with a cry of exclamation. The artist said, “Ah, what a beautiful scene to paint!” The minister cried, “What a wonderful example of the handiwork of God!” The cowboy mused, “What a terrible place to lose a cow!”