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Category: Deep & Meaningful
Cheers For Saturday.
Monday Funnies.
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Happy Monday.
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Happy Tuesday.
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The Wonder Of Having Sons…
This is funny, even if you don’t have boys!
For those of you who were fortunate to have daughters ONLY, be glad…
Be very, very glad…
And you also find out very interesting things when you have sons, like…
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh-oh”, it’s already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with White King makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A 6-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
- Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
- “Play Dough” and “microwave” should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super Glue is forever.
- No matter how much jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like jelly.
- VCRs do not eject Peanut Butter & Jam sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in East Melbourne has a 3-minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- 80% of women will [as this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
- 80% of men who read this will try mixing the White King and brake fluid. (And 0.01% of women.)
Some Jokes For Monday.
Life With A Blonde Teenager…
SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Me: Close enough.
—by Robert Alvarez, author of Blonde Moments: Life with a Blonde Teenage Daughter
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Steve Martin on Success
Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have way.
Steve Martin
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Q: What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
A: Lost.
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Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
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Q: Where do sharks go on their holidays?
A: Finland.
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What does a pepper do when it’s angry?
It gets jalapeño face!
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Bonnie McFarlane on The Toughest Language…
I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.
Bonnie McFarlane
