Category: Deep & Meaningful

A different way to run a medical practice.

An  old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very  bored and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that  said: “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back  $1,000.”

Doctor  “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about  medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get  $1,000.  So  he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.  …

This  is what transpired.

Dr.  Young: — “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please  help me ??

Dr.  Geezer: — “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in  Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr.  Young: — Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”

Dr.  Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be  $500.”

Dr.  Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr  Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr.  Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the  patient’s mouth.”

Doctor  Young: “Oh no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”

Dr.  Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be  $500.”

Dr.  Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr.  Young: “My eyesight has become weak – I can hardly see !!!!

Dr.  Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so — ” Here’s your  $1000 back.”

Dr.  Young: “But this is only $10…”

Dr.  Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be  $500.”

Moral of the story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart  an old “Geezer “

It Never Fails…

  1. Law of Mechanical Repair   – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
  2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
  3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
  5. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
  6. Law of the Bath  – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
  7. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
  8. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!
  9. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  10. 10 . Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
  11. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  12. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  13. Law of Physical Surfaces –The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
  14. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.
  15. Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
  16. Law of Public Speaking — A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
  17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
  18. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
  19. If you don’t share this with your friends, your bellybutton will unscrew.  Really, it‘s true... I read it on the ‘Net!

As We Age, continued.

Romance

Barb was lying in bed one night.

Al was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.

” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later  she said:

“Then you used to kiss me…” Mildly irritated,

he reached across,  gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to  sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck…”

Angrily, Al threw back the bed clothes  and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Barb asked..

“To get my teeth!”

Old  Friends

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

“Now don’t get mad at me…

I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name.

I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it.

Please tell me what your name is.

” Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said,

“How soon do you need to Know?”

Senior  Driving

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,

” Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-25.

Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

Driving

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad.

The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself

“I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.

Again, they  went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was  red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and  said,

“Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in  a row?

You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh! And that Matters ?”

40 Years of Marriage.

40 years  of marriage.

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world
with my darling husband.’

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment:

‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m
sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me.’

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish.!

So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!…

The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful jerks should
 remember fairies are female …..

You should share this
with a woman who needs
a good laugh, and with any
man who can handle it!

 

Heart-warming Lawyer Story.

lawyer story, limousine

HEART-WARMING LAWYER STORY

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass ?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”

 

NOW,  COME ONNNnnnn……. . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story?