Category: Fails

Photos Timed Perfectly.

It’s always great to see a funny photo and these ones could not have been timed any more perfectly, just that split second can make a boring image into some-thing quite special:

water cannon, face, crazy dance

1.  Do you think this guy was expecting this water cannon to the face so he did the crazy walk to try and make it look cool? Either way it probably shocked him half to death.

bird, giant, giant bird, A;lfred Hitchcock

2. It’s like Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’ meets Godzilla. ”There’s giant birds taking over the world!”

darth vader, darth vader head, giant

3.   How was this one even possible? I think we now all want a building with a giant Darth Vader head on it.

dog, treat. funny

4.   “Oh my gosh! TREAT! TREAT! TREAT! Wait that’s going to hit me….. OUCH!… woof!”

fall, water, walk on water

5.   “I will prove to you I can hand stand on the water!” – “Jesus,  I think you’ve got a brother!”

dog, mate, funny, 2 dimensional

6.   This dog is probably like most teenage boys. Can only find a mating partner that’s 2 dimensional.

parrot, creepy, camera

7.   Despite being a little creepy, this parrot seems like he’s saying “I demand to know what this freakish device is!”

monkey, human,

8.   Monkey’s and humans really are similar. I wonder if he forgot how to function normally afterwards like a shy human would.

confused, suit, dress

9.   Maybe he’s confused. “I have to wear my suit but dammit I want to wear my perky blue dress!”

horse, rider, centaur

10. “Centaurs? PFFFT. They’re nothing compared to me. I have opposable thumbs!”

people, butterfly, mask, freaky

11. People would probably wear a butterfly mask. Freaky sometimes though.

fall, water, pool, face, later, joke, funny

12. One millisecond later and her face would have been totally different. Hope that joke was worth it.

cat, cute, love heart

13. This seems cute at first until you realise the cats are just rubbing their butts together.

magic, soccer, manager, gif

14. Magic soccer manager or really clever graphics guy on the TV? I chose magic!

 

Flash Drive Failure.

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens.

As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive.

Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”

It Never Fails…

  1. Law of Mechanical Repair   – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
  2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
  3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
  5. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
  6. Law of the Bath  – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
  7. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
  8. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!
  9. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  10. 10 . Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
  11. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  12. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  13. Law of Physical Surfaces –The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
  14. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.
  15. Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
  16. Law of Public Speaking — A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
  17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
  18. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
  19. If you don’t share this with your friends, your bellybutton will unscrew.  Really, it‘s true... I read it on the ‘Net!

Notes left in milk bottles.

For those of us who remember Milk deliveries in Bottles, here is a good example of a collection of notes left in milk bottles…

Dear milkman: I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one..

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

Cancel one pint after the day after today.

Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons  on the dole.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and  I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

Sorry about yesterday’s note.. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.

My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

Milkman please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don’t leave any milk.

No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

Good aren’t they? Share them and make someone else smile today.

Social Media IRL

Social Media IRL (that’s “In Real Life” if you were unsure)

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while 
applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening.

I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works.

I already have three people following me — two 
police officers and a psychiatrist.

Source: Nancy L. Clark, 
Points, West Virginia