I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens.
As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive.
Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”
I called my sister recently to organize a visit and my six-year-old niece answered the phone, so I asked if I could share her room. she replied they already had visitors and that her room was taken.
I could hear their family dog barking in the background, so I jokingly asked: “How about I sleep with Milo in her kennel?”
“Sorry,” my niece replied matter-of-factly, “Only one dog can sleep in there at a time.”
From Deepa Naidoo, via Reader’s Digest.
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. …
This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: — “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: — “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: — Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor Young: “Oh no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak – I can hardly see !!!!
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so — ” Here’s your $1000 back.”
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10…”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
Moral of the story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer “
For those of us who remember Milk deliveries in Bottles, here is a good example of a collection of notes left in milk bottles…
Dear milkman: I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one..
Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.
Cancel one pint after the day after today.
Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.
Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.
Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.
Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
Sorry about yesterday’s note.. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.
When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?
My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?
Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.
Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.
From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.
My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
Milkman please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don’t leave any milk.
No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.
Good aren’t they? Share them and make someone else smile today.
I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”
Social Media IRL (that’s “In Real Life” if you were unsure)
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening.
I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works.
I already have three people following me — two police officers and a psychiatrist.
Source: Nancy L. Clark, Points, West Virginia
