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Category: Retirement
Cheers For Your Wednesday.
Monday Smile Makers.
A different way to run a medical practice.
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. …
This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: — “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: — “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: — Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor Young: “Oh no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak – I can hardly see !!!!
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so — ” Here’s your $1000 back.”
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10…”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
Moral of the story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer “
As We Age.
Healthy Retirement!
How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in RETIREMENT
| 1. | At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at passing cars, and watch ’em slow down! |
| 2. | On all your cheque stubs, write ‘For Marijuana’! |
| 3. | Skip down the street rather than walk and see how many looks you get. |
| 4. | Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. |
| 5. | Sing along at The Opera. |
| 6. | When the money comes out of the ATM, scream ‘I Won! I Won!’ |
| 7. | When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the Car Park, yelling, ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’ |
| 8. | Tell your children over dinner: ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go…. |
| 9. | PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS. |
| And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: My Favourite: | |
| 10. | Go to a large Department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out: “THERE IS NO PAPER IN HERE”! |
As We Age, continued.
Romance
Barb was lying in bed one night.
Al was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.
” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said:
“Then you used to kiss me…” Mildly irritated,
he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck…”
Angrily, Al threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Barb asked..
“To get my teeth!”
Old Friends
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
“Now don’t get mad at me…
I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name.
I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it.
Please tell me what your name is.
” Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said,
“How soon do you need to Know?”
Senior Driving
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,
” Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-25.
Please be careful!”
“Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
Driving
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad.
The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself
“I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said,
“Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?
You could have killed us both!”
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh! And that Matters ?”