Before Google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:
• A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”
• “Who built the English Channel?”
• “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”
• “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley Temple doll and a teddy bear.”
• “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, ‘You’re in charge of sweeping.’
To the Scotsman he says, ‘You’re in charge of shovelling.’
And to the Chinese guy, ‘You’re in charge of supplies.’
He then says, ‘Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.’
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, ‘Why didn’t you sweep any of it?’
The Italian replies, ‘I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.’
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, ‘And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.’
The Scotsman replies, ‘Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him neither.’
The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.
Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,
‘SUPPLIES!!! !’
So. this retired guy sits around the house all day. His wife says, “You could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week.”
Guy gives it a moment’s thought and says, “Sure why not, show me the
vacuum cleaner.”
Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee.
Wife says, “I didn’t hear the vacuum work, I thought you were using it?”
Exasperated man answers, “The stupid thing is broken, won’t start. I’ve got to buy a new one.”
“Really”, she says., “Show me – it worked fine the last time.” So he did ..
Now, start the video …
40 years of marriage.
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for
all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world
with my darling husband.’
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment:
‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again. I’m
sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me.’
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish.!
So the fairy waved her magic wand and
poof!…
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful jerks should
remember fairies are female …..
You should share this
with a woman who needs
a good laugh, and with any
man who can handle it!
HEART-WARMING LAWYER STORY
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass ?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.
Turning to the second poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”
The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”
“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”
NOW, COME ONNNnnnn……. . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story?
