Tag: funny

Flash Drive Failure.

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens.

As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive.

Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”

Doggone It.

I called my sister recently to organize a visit and my six-year-old niece answered the phone, so I asked if I could share her room. she replied they already had visitors and that her room was taken.

I could hear their family dog barking in the background, so I jokingly asked: “How about I sleep with Milo in her kennel?”

“Sorry,” my niece replied matter-of-factly, “Only one dog can sleep in there at a time.”

From Deepa Naidoo, via Reader’s Digest.

As We Age, continued.

Romance

Barb was lying in bed one night.

Al was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.

” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later  she said:

“Then you used to kiss me…” Mildly irritated,

he reached across,  gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to  sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck…”

Angrily, Al threw back the bed clothes  and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Barb asked..

“To get my teeth!”

Old  Friends

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

“Now don’t get mad at me…

I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name.

I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it.

Please tell me what your name is.

” Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said,

“How soon do you need to Know?”

Senior  Driving

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,

” Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-25.

Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

Driving

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad.

The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself

“I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.

Again, they  went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was  red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and  said,

“Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in  a row?

You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh! And that Matters ?”

Weird Questions Librarians Hear…

Before Google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:

• A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”

• “Who built the English Channel?”

• “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”

• “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley 
Temple doll and a teddy bear.”

• “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”